Something new and something old...

Our Father is so kind. He purifies our hearts through the fires of His awesome love. Then, if we remain faithful to Him who is only good and kind and lovely, He praises us with words of incredible love and leads us along His chosen path for us.

A number of months ago, I wrote about a time of testing that I had experienced in the Lord. You can read about it here: http://davidandsarahb.blogspot.com/2009/02/journey.html. God was purifying my heart and it was extremely painful. I had been caught up in what others thought of me, and in what I thought the Lord wanted me to do. Our precious Lord needed to show me that He wanted my heart to be completely His. He wanted me to have a single eye, only for Him. He wanted my love to be pure and undefilied. He did not want me to find my identity in what people thought of me, or even in what I did for Him, but to only find my identity in receiving and giving back His great love.

One thing that I did not mention at that time was the way that I had to completely give up my ideas of ministry to orphans. Since I was about 10 years old, the Lord had been speaking to me about His love for the lost and needy. He DOES love the poor and needy of this world. But, I had come to find my identity in what I could do for orphans (which in actuality is very little on my own), rather than in the love of my great and awesome Lord. He showed me that He wanted me to stay where I was, loving Him, loving His people, and loving His Church. He did not want me to go to Africa, or Haiti or China. He wanted me to learn to love Him here.

Since that time, I have been basking in the glory of His great grace and He has been showering His blessings upon me. It has been a time of great strengthening. He has given me the strength to embrace HIS vision, and to trust in Him for however He would lead me, along with the brethren whom He has graciously placed me among.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, as I was listening to Mike Bickle's teaching on Song of Solomon, God reminded me of this time of testing. He arrested my heart with the words, "Turn you eyes away from Me, for they have overcome Me." (Song of Solomon 6:5) These words were spoken to the bride, when, during a time of testing, she remained faithful to the Lord. Our dear Lord then told me that anyone who shows this sort of faithfulness, captures His great, fiery heart of love (can you imagine?!).

My heart leapt within me and I was filled with utter joy. Despite my mistakes and failings, I had pleased the Lord and it made all of the suffering of that time worthwhile. With joy bubbling up from my heart, I had to leave the confines of the room where I was sitting. I skipped down the street, unable to contain my pleasure--hands raised up in praise.

The Lord led me to an unknown path along a stream, behind the most beautiful of houses. Where often I may have felt frustration over the riches spent to build those houses, that day, I could only feel awe and gratitude--"Such beauty, Lord...thank you!"

I sat in a grassy knolle, beneath a large Cottonwood tree. Leaves were fluttering in the breeze and the coolness of the gentle wind quieted my soul. "Lord, is there anything that you would like to say to me?" I asked. The words of the Misty Edward's song echoed in my mind, and found quiet voice on my lips...

Jesus, here I am your favorite one,

What are You thinking?

What are You feeling?

I have to know.

For I am after Your heart.

I'm after Your heart.

I'm after You.

Then, stillness overtook me and I waited for His words. they came as an impression--like a gentle cloud of love:

There is nothing that is new.

All that I have told you before is still true.

You see My face in the face of the children--

the poor and needy ones.

I love them.

Love Me in them.

"Really?" I asked. "This is what you want me to know?"

The impression came more strongly this time:

All that I have told you before. It is still true.

I sat quietyly for a moment, and then the peace and the joy came, as soft as the breeze that passed over and through me. I could not contain myself and I turned back along the path--my hands raised in praise of our great and worthy Lord.

I do not know how or where it will come about. I do not know what God will do. But I can honestly say that I feel no anxiety, no pressure to figure things out. I believe that God will allow me to see His face again in the faces of the most needy of this world, but it will be in His time, in His way. It may begin tomorrow, or it may begin 10 years from now. I don't know. I only know that I am to seek His face. I also know that this ministry to orphans will come through His Church, through the loving hearts of the brothers and sisters whom God has allowed me to share my life. What a loving God we serve! What a faithful Father! May my love for Him grow, and may I be able to see His face more clearly each day. He is worthy!