remembering...

October eighth will always be a day of remembrance for me. A time of deep sorrow, yet filled with great hope. Nine years ago, on this day, I was almost half-way along in my pregnancy, and we were waiting to go to China to bring home our sweet Lily-girl. The baby was due in March, and we were expecting to travel about that time, as well.

It is true. When I first found out about my pregnancy, I was wrought with confusion and questions. I was sure that we should still pursue Lily's adoption, but was unsure about how we could handle having two babies at the same time.

But God was gracious, and over the course of a few weeks I found true joy in the prospect of my two new little ones. But, then came our time of sorrow...

On October 7, we took Adam to the doctor because he had been wheezing. We found out on that day, that Adam most likely had asthma. Our doctor told me that kids this young (he had just turned two) could simply stop breathing when they had this bad of a case of asthma.

Well, I stayed up watching him breathe the entire night. In the middle of the night, I began to have pains in my stomach. I thought that perhaps I was getting sick. But, by early morning, the pain had increased significantly and I could barely walk. We called a friend to come over to stay with Adam, and David took me to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital, they took an ultrasound of our beautiful baby. She was moving around freely and seemed very healthy. Unfortunately, however, the pain was not abating and I found out later that I had a very high temperature. In the afternoon, an intern sent me home. We weren't sure what to do. I tried to sleep, but then woke up with a burning fever. David took me back to the hospital. A few hours later, our sweet little Celeste, our beautiful baby girl was born--far too early.

Celeste

The moment you were born

there was still

the presence of life in your body--

in your slightly parted lips,

in your delicately closed eyelids,

in your long, thin fingers

that grasped the soft blanket

they layed you in.

The doctor had warned us

that you were only 18 weeks--

"Not fully formed,"

she said.

But she was wrong.

For when she laid you in my arms,

the completeness of you

was evident.

Your soul radiated

within your tiny body

remaining for a moment

to kiss your mommy

goodbye.

We found out later that there were actually two babies. One of the babies (our little Mercy) died early in the pregnancy. That baby stayed in my womb, and eventually an infection started. Our little Celeste could not survive in that place. Instead, she left this world for another world, joining little Mercy who went before her. That night, 9 years ago, they began their dance with Jesus. They are still dancing...

We miss you, our precious Celeste. We miss you, our dear Mercy. We remember you, and also Maria and Diamond (two more of our precious ones) who went before you to be with our sweet Jesus. We look forward to the day when we will see you in heaven. Our other children often ponder heaven with great hope and delight, "There will be four more brothers and sisters in heaven!" Four more beautiful ones. We can't wait.