I just read in the past couple of days (on two different blogs) about children with cleft lip and palate being teased/ostracized in China. Honestly, I hadn't given it a thought until I read these two blogs. I am a little concerned about Jadon in this regard (all of our children will be traveling with us to China). When we adopted Jadon, we did have some negative comments. But Jadon was only 23 months old and I don't think that he understood any of it. Now, he is 7 and although he doesn't understand Mandarin, I do think that he will be able to get the gist of what people are saying.
I am also concerned about Grace. She, too, has a repaired cleft lip and will be 4 years old soon. She will certainly understand what people are saying about her. And although she has obviously been living in China, she will not have had such a high intensity of exposure to other people.
Has anyone had experience with older children in China with special needs? I would be grateful for any suggestions that you may be able to give to me. Jadon has just now become really aware that his lip looks different than other people's. It seems like a critical time for him as far as self-image is concerned. Thanks so much for any of your thoughts/advice.
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Oh goodness Sarah, that's a lot to think about! The first thing to cross my mind is that most people in China stare--period. (And it seems to be totally culturely acceptable). Add a large American family and they stare more . . . add a large American family with blonde children and Chinese children together and it is pretty much going to be a "stare fest"! The good part for Jadon being, that all of you will be on the receiving end of the stares.
I have heard the same thing that you spoke of--mean comments and dirty looks. Although I must say that we didn't receive any of them on our trip for Teddi--or maybe I just chalked it up to "staring"-- there was a lot of that.
We have a dad in our orphanage Yahoo group who is an amputee (with a prosthetic leg), and his adopted Chinese son (age six) is missing one of his hands. Jim tells of being looked at with "disgust" during his time in China to bring home his son. Jim has openly and honestly shared with his son, that the Chinese people just don't see things the way that we see them, that they aren't as "accepting" of people's differences and that this is all the more reason that Jim "needed" to be Cameron's daddy.
I don't think that you need to tell Jadon all of that up front, but if the issue presents itself, I think this is one way to explain things without making the Chinese people seem "bad" in Jadon's eyes.
What a blessing it is for Jadon, and for Grace, that they are in a family where they will always know that God made them, and He loves them beyond measure for exactly who they are. And what a blessing for Grace to have Jadon to look up too!
Sarah, are you a member of the adoptcleft yahoo group? It's a very active group. I'm thinking someone within that group might have more advice to offer as far as older children and self esteem issues go.
One more thing -- a scripture that someone shared with me, that could apply to cleft issues ~
"As he (Jesus) walked along, he saw a blind man from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi who sinned this man or his parents, that he is born blind?" Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:1-3
I would love to hear any thoughts you have on that.
Blessings as you wait for Grace, praying it's not much longer.
Tina
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