I have something to confess. This has been a super-easy adoption and Kaikai has been incredibly happy, cooperative and brave. Yet, yesterday morning I still had an “Oh my goodness. What have I gotten myself into?” moment.
Why do I share this? Because it is soooooo normal, and I want those of you who are adopting for the first time to know that almost everyone has those sorts of moments.
My moment came after a night of very little sleep (due mostly to my own insomnia, rather than anything adoption-related). Kaikai and I were up before anyone else in the room and I was motioning for him to come to me. He shook his head “no”. I motioned to him again, and again he shook his head “no”. This happened three or four times.
Now, with 5 kids before this adoption, I guarantee you that I have heard “no” a few times before. Generally, it doesn’t reduce me to a puddle on the floor. But, this time, after very little sleep, the emotions of a long adoption process and the fact that Kaikai adores David and is just okay with me, the tears started to flow. “What have I done?” I thought. “He’ll probably never obey a word that I say. My life will be one series of painful experiences after another. Kaikai is going to grow up to be a criminal!”
Yep. I was thinking pretty rationally.
But, friends, it’s okay…because the fact is, I am tired (as is every new parent—adoptive or not). The adoption process is long and emotional—at least for every adoptive parent I’ve ever met. And even though I am honestly super-happy about the fact that Kaikai loves David so much, it is normal to want to bond as much as possible with my new son.
And all of these things can lead to some irrational moments.
And if you’re adopting, it’s likely that you will have some of these moments yourself. So, if you do, think of me. I’ve had these moments with every.single.child. (and not just the adopted ones). And you know what? We keep going back for more children! I guess that tells you that these kinds of moments don’t last. But the joy of loving these beautiful children…that goes on for eternity!