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He's been preparing my heart

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

On R.'s birthday (March 16th), I was home alone. I emailed a friend, telling her that I felt like it was a "goodbye day". I was grieving, although I wasn't even sure why. Yes, India was slow. Yes, the journey was difficult. But there really was no reason to believe that we wouldn't be able to adopt R.

I know now that God was preparing my heart.

A couple of weeks after R.'s birthday we were told that CARA denied our application to adopt due to our family size. We appealed the decision, with great hope in our hearts. A week later we were denied again. Our family then went into full gear, seeking out any avenue in order to change CARA's decision.  But it didn't happen. Their decision has remained the same.

Oh, the roller-coaster of emotions. In the past two months we have experienced feelings of grief, anger, sadness, confusion and pain. But through it all, our God has been faithful. And in the past two weeks, our gentle Father has reminded me of some things that give me great peace. They are not things that I can share or adequately explain right now, but they have allowed me to let this precious girl go. And they have allowed me to have faith that she will be cared for, she will not be forgotten, she will be loved with an overwhelming love.

So, to the One who has been preparing me for this time, I offer up all of my plans and dreams for our precious girl. And I entrust R.'s life to Him who is always faithful, who is all-together lovely, who is full of kindness and grace and who never forgets His promises.


19 comments:

Jenn said...

Oh, Sarah. Praying for you and sweet R.

Nikki said...

Tears are streaming down my face as I write...hugs to you, to your family and to sweet R. We kept praying that somehow things would change. Hugs to you all!!!

Peter and Nancy said...

So, so sad for you and for your dear R. It's so hard to understand the reasoning that an orphanage is better than a family, no matter how many children there are.

With tears,
Nancy

Cristy said...

Praying for your precious family and R. My heart hurts for all of you.

James, Dawn and Family said...

We are so sad for thier decision. If they understood your heart and soul they would have seen she belonged in your arms....

Sally-Girl! said...

Oh I am just sad for you even though we both trust our Father's plan over our own, it is still difficult to walk through! I will pray for you to find comfort in Him!

Cheri said...

Oh, Sarah. I wish I had words of comfort. But, I know that you know the only Comforter there is. I pray you keep seeking only Him. I am so sorry.

Nikolyn said...

love you. thanks for trying. :(

No Greater Love said...

Ah....when did you write this???? I didn't even see. :) Anyway....you know I love you so much, and I am CONFIDENT in the Lord's care for R. He is trustworthy!

Colista said...

Sigh. Praying for R and of course, your family. I'm so sorry. I appreciate your testimony of God's faithfulness to you. No more words really, just that my heart hurts for all.

Jean said...

Oh dear friend-
my heart aches for you and for your family.

We love these children long before they come home and I know how much you love R.

Your faith will see you through.

HUGS to you (I wish I could really hug you),
Jean

Kathleen @ Kath Ink said...

Oh, how even when God calls to very hard things such as this, He is kind to prepare our hearts for the 'final' answer. May you continue to experience His peace and comfort.

Brad and Renae said...

Sarah -
I want to come through this computer with a big hug! I'm so very sorry for this decision - but I'm so very thankful to the Lord who has cared for you and lovingly prepare you for this outcome. You are an amazing testimony to our Lord - your love abounds - I'm certain he will continue to use that not only for your family - but also for some other work that he has planned just for you in advance. Love you.
Renae.

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh my sweet Sarah, my heart is broken for you. I wish I was right there in your home hugging you and loving on you. It is so frustrating to deal with people who think they know what's best for a child but ultimately you are right...we have to trust in Him. Every crisis leads to trusting in the Lord. But you are having to turn over a child to Him also....it must feel like a sacrifice. I am so sorry for your loss and for R's loss too... no family is to big...the bigger the family...the more love you have for that child. I love you (((hugs)))

Kristen said...

Sarah, I am stunned. I wish that I lived in CO so that I could give you a huge hug. I will be praying that Lord comforts you. I am so sad for you, your family and sweet R. Ugh, these moments of faith are so difficult but yet we have to trust in what we know, and I am trusting that the Lord LOVES R., knows the hairs on her head, and has her in the palm of his hand. HE knows the plans he has for her, plans for good. I pray sweet friend that you will somehow see these plans come to fruition. MUCH, MUCH love to you!

Naomi said...

My heart weeps for you dear friend. I know you have such faith and perseverance. You have moved forward each step of the way and now to have a closed door just seems so wrong. I do not understand His ways for they are higher than ours but for there to be a "NO" at this time must mean that His plan is so much greater than we can see at this time.

Nahum 1:7

I will continue to pray and believe that God will reveal things to you.

love you!

Gwen said...

I am so sorry.

Hugs and prayers.

Difference2This1 said...

Sarah,

I am so sorry :( I know how much your family has prayed, longed, and fought for her.

Prayers for you...and her.

Miche said...

Oh Sarah! I am so sorry :( My heart breaks for you and R. I don't understand how an orphanage is better than a home. :( :( Perhaps there is a family out there that will adopt her though, so she may still know a family's love, even if she doesn't get to actually be a part of yours.

I'm so super sad for you. We are still waiting to hear back, too. I'll let you know what we hear.

I'm so sorry and wish I could give you a hug.

Take care,
Michelle

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