light in darkness

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Jadon and I sat across from one another in the doctor's office.  As Doctor Tsoi started to share the details of Jadon's upcoming surgery, I saw tears begin to form in my son's eyes.

"Come and sit with me, Jadon."

Jadon rushed over and wrapped his arms around my neck, clinging to me, as if for his very life.  He was so frightened that he didn't want to let go of me when it was time to leave.  He held onto my waist and we awkwardly walked out of the surgeon's office.

When we got home, I made a sunbutter and marshmallow sandwich for Jadon, and asked him to pick out a game to play.  We set up the chess board, and in between eager outburts from Jadon telling me that it was my turn (my competetive son was still anxious to beat me!), and bites of his sandwich, Jadon began asking me questions.

"Why do I have to have this surgery?"
"Will it hurt?" 
"Why was I born with this problem?" 

That was the tough one.

We talked about Jadon's birthmother and the possiblity of her having poor nutrition while she was pregnant with Jadon.  We talked about how his birthparents might not have been able to afford surgery and that, possibly, that is why they couldn't keep him.  We talked about how God works everything together for good and that we were so glad that he was our son.

Jadon has experienced many losses and a lot of pain in his nine years.  He experienced the loss of his first parents just a few days after his birth.  He experienced the loss of affection and attention, by living in an orphanage for 23 months.  This will be his fifth surgery.  His first surgery was completed in China, and most likely, he was alone for most of his hospital stay.  He has reasons to be fearful and he has reasons to be sad.

Abandonment, surgery, and pain are not the Father's perfect will for my son.  But, our perfect Father has permitted these things to happen in my son's life.  And though we are asking God for miraculous healing, I can also see how the pain of this situation has caused Jadon to ask questions that he might never have asked otherwise.  I can see how this surgery has brought out more compassion in this little boy who is usually interested in legos, swords, games and winning.  I can see how my son has progressed from responding to tough situations in anger, to appropriately feeling sad.

On the day of his appointment, Jadon stayed very close to me.  He wanted to go on a walk with me.  He wanted to sit on my lap and he asked me to lie down with him at bedtime.  I would never wish this pain upon my son, but I do know that the One who is Light, has brought His light to this dark situation.

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Jean said...

Thinking about Jadon and his fears- Anna is incredible fearful when it comes to Drs and hospitals. There are so many surgeries with CL/P.

You are such a great Mom and handled it so well! Did he beat you in the game?

Cari said...

Reading this post, knowing that our family is just starting this process with our youngest brings all kinds of thoughts and emotions...even reading Jean's comment of "there are so many surgeries". {deep breath}.

I know God has called us to go through this with our daughter as well, but this is so far out of my comfort zone.

Thank you for sharing these moments between you and Jadon. It was very encouraging to read.

Waitingfaithfully said...

Oh Sarah, my heart goes out to Jadon, and to you sweet friend, as his mama. We are traveling the same road, just a few years behind you . . . four surgeries down . . .

Thank you for sharing your wisdom, thank you for reminding us that indeed there is light in the darkness.

God does work everything together for good. It's hard to put my arms around the idea that because Teddi bears this burden--is likely the very reason that she is ours. I can't even imagine our lives without her.

Tonight at bedtime, Teddi talked about not having been in my belly--she is just starting to understand this (and ask questions), and it makes her sad. Thank you for the reminder to look for the light, in this tough part of being an adoptive mama.

Love you friend, and I so appreciate your wisdom.

Praying for peace for Jadon, as he awaits his surgery. When will it be?

Blessings to you~


~ Come by my blog when you get a minute, I need your address! :)

Jenn said...


How I wish I could sweep away EVERYTHING that our kids have to endure. So many things they have to overcome!

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this journey of adoption, surgeries, and just being different. sigh.

Gwen said...

A beautiful post. I appreciate reading about your experience regarding Jadon's upcoming surgery... and the honesty and wisdom that you share.

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh my friend, my heart was hurting so much for Jadon while reading this....poor little guy. I think you gave him the perfect answer....I will be praying for him and for you and for you to be able to continue to armor himself with the word of God. You are such a great Mom:)

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