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the things we may never know...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

As an adoptive mom, I understand that there are some things that I may never really know about my children's early lives.


This morning, Grace asked me if we could talk about China.
Of course, I said yes.

Then, my sweet girl proceeded to tell me a story...
a story that broke my heart.

******

Mama, when I was in China, my best friend die.
Her heart not work right.
It beat really fast.
We were excercising.
And it beat really slow.
And it stopped beating.
She die.
She was my best friend.
She slept right next to me.

******

Sweet Jesus.
I have no idea why Grace would wait to share this story until she had been home for almost two years.
Perhaps it isn't true, at all.

But, on the other hand, I have no idea how Grace could have thought up the details of this story on her own.
She doesn't know anyone with heart issues.
We don't share these kinds of stories with our littlest, sensitive girl.

Either way.
It breaks my heart.
Becuase even if it isn't true.
It could be true.
And I don't know the whole of my daughter's life story.
And any child who has lived in an orphange has endured some pretty tough stuff.

******

But, Mama, she happy now.
She with Jesus.


Precious daughter.

Beautiful girl.
I may never know the whole truth of your early life.
And that saddens my heart.

But, I also know there is One
who has never left you,
nor forsaken you.
And I can rest in the fact that you have always been loved.
By the only One who can love you perfectly.
And that is enough.
That is more than enough.

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6 comments:

Gwen said...

Oh, this saddens my heart, too.

Sweet Grace.

You are loved. You are home.

And yes, your little friend is happy and with Jesus.

Difference2This1 said...

That girl is so sweet. I am so grateful He protected her heart through the tough times so that she is free to love and be loved, share her past, and embrace Jesus. I would suspect the story is true. Tessa shared some tough stuff such as this; children who died and the details. But, what broke my heart was that her heart was/is cold to it; she only said it in passing, showing more emotion about other parts of her story such as what she ate for breakfast there and was quite surprised when I expressed sadness at the thought of children around her dying. I always wonder and will likely never know...did she ever care and yrs of watching it hardened her heart; or that children dying was so "normal" that it was never a big deal. Either way, my heart hurts. But, it reminds me to keep pressing forward in caring about the "least of these" even if it's just one at a time. God bless, Jennifer

James, Dawn and Family said...

I'm in tears. Bless her precious lil heart.

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh Sarah.....these children are so strong...so much stronger than I am, that is for sure. What a precious heart she has....and yes...her friend is with Jesus:)

Sarah said...

He is more than enough! I rejoice in this enduring promise with you friend ... always enough!

Hugs for your day,
Sara

junglemama said...

What a precious daughter you have. My heart hurts for all that our children have had to endure in their short little lives. You have a beautiful family!

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