home

My heart has been tender over the past few months. When our pastor, and friends, left Kansas City, our family was still deep in the process of adjusting to life with our new son, Andrew. The changes that had occurred in those brief months after he came home, had left us in upheaval, and this additional life-change seemed, at times, too much to bear.

We, of course, considered moving back to Colorado at that time, ourselves. But, we knew that God had called us to complete what we had begun, and our hearts were with the people who had been a part of our church family. We were sure that we couldn't leave just yet. This city was still our home.

So when, shortly after our pastor left, God led me to this spot, overlooking Kansas City, and whispered Hebrews 13:14 to my heart, I felt both confused and strangely comforted.

"For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:14

Tears sprung to my eyes, as they have many times since. In that moment, I knew that He wasn't just talking about Kansas City. Instead, He was sharing a deep secret of His heart. 

This is not our home.

It is a refrain that has become embedded in my heart during this season.

this is not our home...this is not our home...this is not our home

It was embedded in my heart as we prayed for and met with our dear brothers and sisters, who eventually found new church homes in our neighborhood, and ceased needing our support.

This is not our home.

It was embedded even further, as we gave ourselves to a precious new church family, but then began to feel the pull back to Colorado, away from this new family and others whom we love in Kansas City.

This is not our home.

It was embedded yet further as our oldest daughter began wrestling with the idea of staying in Kansas City, and finishing school here at Calvary Bible College.

This is not our home.

It was embedded again further as Adam started researching places to give his life away as a Bible translator. The call on his life was beginning to feel real to me as I contemplated his life overseas.

This is not our home.

And today, it continues to be embedded deeply as, while writing this, a dear friend waits to undergo brain surgery for a cancerous tumor.

This is not our home.

This morning, the word home sprung into my mind as I was walking and talking with the Lord. I had my mp3 player on, and the next song that came up was Will Reagan's "Pilgrim Days".

Brothers, 

sisters,

join this song,

as we journey

home.

The word hung in the air, as I thanked my sweet Jesus for His presence. 

He is our home, friends. All of our other homes are temporary, but our place in His heart will endure forever. He is our home, dear friends. He is our lasting city.

"For we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come."

that love thing

Funny thing, how there truly is nothing new under the sun. People are the same. They grow, and learn, and mature...and they get tired. :)

I heard that a time or two when I was in my 20's, then again in my 30's. And you know what? I didn't believe it. I didn't believe that I'd be all that much more mature than I already was (ha!), and I certainly didn't believe that I'd get tired. I definitely wouldn't have thought that in some ways the tiredness would be a gift, because when you're tired, you only have time for the things that truly matter. Who's right and who's wrong don't matter so much anymore. 

Love.

That still matters. In fact, it actually matters more to you, because you see how precious it really is.

But, that being right about all the little details stuff....

notsomuch.

We moved our family to Kansas City almost 2 1/2 years ago. We moved because of a vision. We moved because we wanted to build His church, to serve, to help, and yes, because we wanted to love. We believed (and still believe) that God was leading us. We wanted to do His will! So, we moved.

And God moved, too...He moved  in peoples' hearts. He moved in the church. He moved throughout our neighborhood in people like Riley and Lunchbox, who are homeless and precious and made in the image of God. 

And then two years into it, for very good reasons, He moved our pastor and his family out of Kansas City and back to Colorado.

And we were saddened and shocked and a little bit lost.

We've spent the past seven months seeking the Lord, helping people get settled in other local churches, and asking Him for more of His heart.

I'd like to say that it's been easy, and we have another clear assignment from the Lord...here, there, or anywhere! But, that wouldn't be true.

The fact is, we're feeling on the weary side, and He's only revealed a couple of things to us.

1) That we're to spend this next season, focusing on our teenage kids.

2) And then, that love thing...to love Him, love our family, love the people around us.

It doesn't seem like much, but, in some ways, isn't it everything???

To love in the midst of sadness, tiredness and disappointment. To seek Him in the midst of our confusion. It's truly what we're made for...glorifying God in the good and in the hard. Glorifying Him in all the zealousness of youth, and continuing to glorify Him in the greater wisdom and tiredness of our 40's. I'm so grateful that our God is faithful through it all. In every single moment, He has continued to pour out His love on us, and I hope that I can say, that, as I've grown older, I have continued to love Him back.

It may not look like we expected, but in other ways, it looks exactly like we expected.

Loving Him and being loved by Him.

It's good stuff, friends.